the departure

25Sep11

2005-2008

When I graduated from high school, I was completely burnt out. The last semester to senior year was a conflicting set of realities:

my vision of a valedictorian performed as a lie against my reality

there were days that began at 6am with the swim team and ended at 1am with softball games / completing AP class assignments

the programs I was helping with was an inconsistent combination of non-support and support

I didn’t exactly fit in with Texan culture.

Mostly, I was just lost, bored and ready to know something else – which led to culture shock in Iowa, another extremely rough year, complete inactivity in both sports and community engagement, then a move to Washington where immediately I fit in, studying amazing ideas, and coxing on the rowing team. Three years after graduating from high school, I graduated from college, realizing that I was doing and being exactly who I wanted to be in high school.

2011

Since then, I’ve been living into my past – integrating what I did with what I know now and building on that…

MASCOT Camp was sort of the declarative return to my past self – the self that at 18-19 (summer birthday you know) led a camp and struggled the entire time with what that meant, paralleled the self that at 23-24 led a camp where the project was much larger and way successful.

But now,  I’ve had a chance to let thoughts settle after the mayhem of camp, and I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m ready to move on. Since I’ve got a pretty solid foundation, instead of creating skills, I’d only be fine-tuning what I already know. As I love camps and what is happening, I’m beginning to look ahead at what it means to build on this foundation – that if right now, in this moment, I’m doing exactly what I dream of doing in my life, then what’s more? What’s beyond the way camp creates inclusive space? What is beyond living a dream?

…..

In this present, it’s enthralling the way that this year is going – the projects that are happening – where I live and the community here.

I’m happy I can see that when I go back, I’ll be ready to learn and know something beyond what I know, to see everyone and to understand my own culture from a different perspective. As for that which is now a part of me, it’s calming to also understand and foresee that more than likely with those new skills, I’ll come back to Ukraine and work from a different angle somehow.

Next Post: Writing Beyond Reality.

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