living fragments.

30Jan11

Today is a day of oscillation….meaning, it’s a day of switching between Mumford & Sons, Macy Gray, and La Roux….meaning, it’s very sunny both outside and inside….meaning, I’ve got things going in every which direction….meaning, I should be doing things like organizing, writing documents, researching and other things….meaning, instead I’ve come across old foretelling, and come into new ideas….and finally meaning, I’ve been thinking I should update the form called blog.

At some point, I will write more in depth about the different projects, the constant reshaping of reality and my approach to it, so that I’m responsive, and the way I’ve come into being. I will write all these things before time elapses and makes these stories less poignant. I will write these things soon, because that is already happening. I will. But for now, I will write a few fragments of space and ideas.

The first, is that after an early morning in which my glasses opened my eyes to seeing the world, I found a piece of writing written 2 weeks before moving to Ukraine, which was nearly 2 years ago. Here is that:

A Washington breath is the experience of wanting to be immersed indefinitely. Is the reclaiming of self. Is the difficulty of abstracting again. Is the attempt of hugging the mountain and crying at the Puget Sound.  Is the complete and utter joy hitherto unrealized. Is Ukraine made real and possible. Is Sovereignty as the commitment of being. Is the laughing composure of life.

I seek to manifest calm – of that which creates. I yearn to be fully and committed myself. I imagine in no defined future. I am who I am and that which I am is beyond me.

What’s interesting to me, is that lately, I’ve been hearing myself, and noticing that I’ve always been who I am – only now I can hear that. The other thing, is that in my preparation to move to Ukraine, there were things I knew, and it’s amazing to me how they unfold. What I knew:

1. I would fall in love with Ukraine. – even now, I cannot express exactly why, but it’s true.
2. I would get my life here. – that I would figure out what I needed to do next because of this experience, and that Ukraine would shape and center that.
3. The Puget Sound is my geographical home. -the longer I am gone, the more this is real.
4. Etc.

The interesting and wonderful and bizarre and difficult part? It’s all true.

Have I told you how much I’m in love with living?

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