a sound stake

13Dec10

Circumstances, conversations and opportunities have provided, permitted and permeated the space to reflect, and understand how to tell the why of what.

“It’s just different. Not better or worse. Just Different.” When asked what is better – America or Ukraine, this has been my response, but I understand it now in a much deeper way and in a way that I could not have done otherwise. Over the summer, who I am got reinterpreted as a slow bloomer instead of a late bloomer, and this is one of those thought revelations that everything internally goes, “Well, of course! And it took you how long to figure out that? Come on, others have said this all along.” But as my headstrong self goes, it has to go in its own meticulous manner and understand things on its own terms.

I am finally able to put what’s different into words: stakes. The difference between a high and low stakes environment is so apparent. Ukraine has high stakes – that the discourses which pervade and structure life here, have such a stronger impact on the body of each person living here. And in ways, in many ways, America is in the play of low stakes – that the discourses which strap and shape the body effect the body minimally – in a way that survival is a given. This is not to discredit the mystery and challenge of life that is everywhere without boundaries, but this is a way that shapes perspective. It’s in this direction, that I may be able to begin to explain my attachment to Ukraine.

And now, the rant: The hoopla of social tensions and politics feel so trivial and ridiculous and puzzling – why don’t more people see that what’s at stake in the world: people. Regardless of whether they’re strapped to a high or low stakes network, they’re still strapped, and something should be done to tease, twist and sculpt a new body out of that. Why can’t that happen, instead of what we do now: pulling at the strings tied. Why not untie and question their structure, and work so everyone has the possibility to be who they want and need to be to the world? End of rant, telegram style.

Oh, by the way, this weekend was amazing. Probably one of those moments that will get categorized as one of the best and coolest and favorite memories so far, whilst living in Ukraine. I got to lead a sound design seminar, and it was one of those spaces of complete inspiration and possibility… and everyone who participated was really into it. And it’s one more reason to add to that whole thing about how much has changed or become possible because of here.

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I’ve recently been into keeping a log of changes that have happened within my family and within me. Both lists are surprisingly long with big changes. On this end, as of yet, because of Ukraine, I’ve become more feminine,  and more declarative as to who I am: as someone concretely committed to living a life about art, exploring and shifting education and developing the space for all of that to collaborate and create a new reality for life….therefore, next up: the how of what.

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